A first step to being authentic is allowing yourself to be open and present. The following is a blend of the RAIN mindfulness tool (which I learned about from Tara Brach), blended with Ezra Bayda’s practice of using negative emotions as a path to transformation.
RAIN de-conditions the habitual ways in which we resist our moment-to-moment experience (e.g. our natural resistance to feeling uncomfortable and unsafe). It cultivates emotional awareness and helps to free us from conditioned responses. A strong reaction indicates hidden beliefs. Our attempt to control these experiences, actually cuts us off from our heart. Learning to surrender to the present moment is ultimately what allows transformation to take place.
R – Recognize what is happening
A – Allow life to be just as it is
I – Investigate inner experience with kindness
N – Non-Identification
Recognize
- Focus: Focus your attention on whatever thoughts, feelings and sensations you are experiencing. Ask yourself, “What is happening inside me right now?” Call on your natural curiosity as you focus inward. Where in your body do you feel it most? Some parts of your experience may be easier to connect with than others. For example, you might recognize anxiety right away, but if you focus on your worried thoughts, you might not notice the actual sensations of squeezing or pressure in your chest. On the other hand, if your body is gripped by jittery nervousness, you might not recognize that this physical response is being triggered by your underlying belief that you are about to fail.
- Identify Thoughts: Try to identify the thoughts that carry the biggest emotional load (e.g. I can’t stand this!). To identify hidden expectations, it may help to ask the question, "How is it supposed to be?"
- Label Beliefs: Declare thoughts as a belief (e.g. believing I can’t stand this). Articulating our thoughts as beliefs help to diminish our identification with them. As we objectify them in this ways, we no longer believe them as solid truth; reducing their ability to fuel our emotions.
Allow
- Let it be: Don't resist the experience. Don't let it go. Don't move beyond it. Don't try to change it. Just be present with what is.
Note: It may help to consent to the experience with a phrase. You might feel the grip of fear and whisper “yes” or experience the swelling of deep grief and whisper “yes.” You might use the words “this too” or “I consent.” At first you might feel you’re just “putting up” with unpleasant emotions or sensations. Or you might say “yes” to shame and hope that it will magically disappear. Offer the phrase gently and patiently, and in time your defenses will relax, and you may feel a physical sense of yielding or opening to waves of experience.
- Breath: At this point, release the thoughts/beliefs and focus on breathing into the center of the chest (imagine breathing through a conduit in that location and bring attention to the heart).
- Feel it: Embrace the uncomfortable emotions of the present moment and become aware of the internal bodily sensations (i.e. bring awareness of the specific experience into the physical body). The objective is NOT to change anything but to simply observe and experience whatever arises. Being fully present with this discomfort can help to diminish it.
- Expand Awareness: Begin with focusing on the breath. Expand your awareness to include the body. Gradually expand your awareness further to include the physical reality of the environment. Refrain from indulging thoughts.
Investigate
When dealing with overwhelming and ongoing experiences, your reactions can become very entrenched and difficult to process. If you’re having trouble sitting with the experience (e.g. swarming thoughts, leaving your body, or judging what is happening) it may help to dive deeper in an Investigative process.
- Inquire: With investigation you engage in a more active inquiry. You might ask yourself: “What most wants attention?” “How am I experiencing this in my body?” or “What am I believing?” or “What does this feeling want from me?” You might contact sensations of hollowness or shakiness, and then find a sense of unworthiness and shame buried in these feelings. Unless they are brought into consciousness, these beliefs and emotions will control your experience and perpetuate your identification with a limited, deficient self.
Note: In order for investigation to be healing and freeing, we need to offer a gentle welcome to whatever surfaces. Relate to them with a friendly openness, has part of being human. Imagine a child comes to you in tears after being bullied at school. Before they can open up to you, they need to feel safe. You have to offer a kind, receptive, gentle attention. Bringing that same kindness to your inner life makes inquiry, and ultimately healing, possible.
Non-identification (R+A+I=N)
- Rest in Natural Awareness: There’s nothing to do for this last part of RAIN. Non-identification means that your sense of who you are is not defined by emotions, sensations or stories. This larger sense of self, invites openness and love.
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Guideline: The Three Rs
- Recognize what you're doing, thinking, and feeling.
- Refrain from repeating the thoughts and judgments.
- Reside in the physical experience of the present moment.
Note: this practice can be used at any time, not just in moments of distress. Simply ask yourself “Am I happy right now?” If the answer is no, than proceed with the above process.
Reference: True Refuge by Tara Brach
Reference: Beyond Happiness by Ezra Bayda
